To explain the last few posts...

Last week I was in Exeter again for various training things, the posts from then, including the rather odd drunk one, were written on notepad so I could post them when I was back on a network. Which I am and I have.
So, there we go.
If the drunk post seems a bit melodramatic that's because it is. The things I'm going on about are real, if a bit over the top. Sorry if that's a problem, if so, post a comment and let me know.
I may not respond or impliment any changes but I will read all of them and I will pay attention.
Walk in light but fear not the shadows,
Jim

Morning 18/06/06

You know it's been a while since I had an hangover, I think that's a good thing.
Well, we're back in Exter, back in the Office's accomodation, which is some new built houses that they rent or at least have an arrangement for. It's good to see the guys, although it was only a month since Toulouse. Feels like the last four months haven't really happened. Or at least didn't last as long as they did.
The house I'm in is the same size as the one I was in for the IFC, but there's only two of us in it, rather than three as was. Also the other guy in the house is a new bloke called Dorian from Toronto. Nice guy, 21 and that makes him seem young. Not that four years is a big age gap, certainly less than between most of the people he's been meeting at Exeter, it's just attitude I guess. Like the guys were saying (admittedly about one person in particular), the time at our stations has made some of us grow up alot. He's at the office doing research in mathematics, prooving the physical arguement for including moisture in the semi-geostrophic equations. He's a smart guy. If the description doesn't mean anything to you, don't worry, it won't to 99% of the population. Less probably.

16/06/06 Sober now.

Last post was a bit strange, was writing while drunk. Seeing as how I'm off line at the moment and writing all of this on notepad until I can transcribe it onto Blogger, it might seem weird that I've left it in. Try to understand that I'm trying to let this blog be a record of my thoughts so I'm writing these as they come and I'll be posting them when I can.
It may give you a better insight into my mind, though you may not want to do that. Anyway, back to more mundane matters, finished the health and safety training today, and I think it's safe to say that the only things I've learnt are the legal gumph around the HSE. Haven't learnt any new safe ways of doing anything. Did learn that legally you don't need to put everything into a risk assessment, just the significant things.
Off out now, I'll post over the weekend.

Evening 15/06/06

So, the heatlth and safety training was all I'd expected and more, we were taught the theory, history and law of health and safety, it's moral and financial founding and current application. R damn near fell asleep for most of this afternoon. I'd made the mistake of being interested in some of the areas, asking relevent questions and the like, which made me the "keen" one in the group. Bang goes any hope I had of a sly snooze. You know how it is, one person catches the attention of the instructor and it focused on for the rest of the session. My fault really, some of it did seem relevent and, dare I say it, interesting. Only one day left, mainly going to be safe laser, radar, radiation and things like that.
But anyway, now the sun is down and the afterglow of the day is painting the sky to the northwest. My window is open wide from where I've been sat in it and the computer upon which I write has an evening mix on iTunes, Lighthouse Family, Ludovico Einardi, Nina Simone, Eels, Shawn Mullins' Lullaby, that sort of thing. And I'm thinking about life, where it's going and where I am, about love and about searching for meaning in it all.
Love, I'm not sure, I love my friends in a way that I've described before but I can't help thinking that there is more out there, but maybe not for me; at least not yet. It's not that I'm lonely, although I am, in a way; it's not that there's any kind of emptyness inside, it's just that sometimes I do miss coming home to someone that missed you, that held a space for you in their world, that fills a space in yours. Companionship I guess you could call it.
Sorry, feeling a bit melancholy tonight, must be the wine and the company. Both of which were good, and there's the problem. There's some lasses that I know, very attractive in body, mind, spirit and soul, whom I love as friends and as more. I know that they don't feel the same way and I'd almost convinced myself that it was a lack of physical attractiveness. I know I'm no underwear model when it comes to looks or body. But I know, deep down, that it's not that. I know that physical lust (for want of a better word) is just one thing and it takes more than that for a relationship. I don't think I'm repulsive, and I don't think I'm unloveable, it's just I know that one of the ladies has known me for too long...
Ahh, bollocks, I can't even lie to myseld any more. I've left that sentance in and not deleted it because it's not true but I want you (whomever) to know that I' have thought it. Everyone does, I guess, trying to find a reason for that one word that shatters all the defenses that we build around our brittle defences; that "no." I know that length of time that someone knows you for is irrelevent. None of the girls finds me attractive and neither feels for me as I do for them. No fault, just one of those things. T'was not meant to be. If I can be a good friend to them I'll feel as though I have served them as a loved one.

It's now full dark outside and these thoughts run through me like the wind across the moorland. I know that I MUST pass OASC, not to keep my job, but to give me the chance to serve. This might sound bloody odd, and it's not "every man feels less of himself for not being a soldier" (okay maybe a little bit). It's about my neice. It's about my family. It's about my friends, who, in the darkness of the night of my doubt and my sadness, come to me and give me the light of their pressence, who come and shine like brilliant stars, guiding me back to the peaceful places where I've felt safe. I can help protect them from the darkness of the world, and this calls to me like nothing I've ever felt. As the man said, "people sleep soundly in their beds knowing that rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." For little Ellen, so she may grow up in a world less fearful than I remember, for my friends and their loved ones, that they may love and be peaceful, never knowing what lies beyond the sunset willing them harm; for them I will train and I WILL stand against the dark. Not for politics, for that is generally lies told to mask the desires of the powerful, whispered on the tide of history; not for religion, for faith heals and does not harm, for God does not wish us to take arms against each other, that is interprepation and the words of man; but for the life of a young child, be it my blood, my friends or one whom I have never met. All these are precious and for them I will put myself into the way of harm, make of myself a target and take up arms against them. "Rave, Rave against the dying of the light" for if those of us that are able do not stand, then the tide of fear and of hate that flows from every corner will o'er run us and leave us without a prayer of salvation or of hope.
Not on my watch. Not to my kin.



Hmmmm, that was odd.
ahh well, I meant every word. Sleep well.

Just a stub to fill the space..

Aright, just jotting something down to say that I'm still here.
More posts will come up soon, out of sequence but I'll date them to be relevant.
Listening to... "I like it like that" by Pete Rodriguez (the Boogaloo music from the Odeon cinemas) and Stiltskin's "Inside" Rock baby!!!!

Okay, back to the broadband connection (one of those things you never miss until it's gone, like air and sex really... man I need to get out more.)

This one is from 14/06/06

Morning.
Have to go into HQ for health and safety training. Not hopeful that it will be interesting, thinking most likely it'll just be lifting and carrying, not drinking the mercury in the thermometers and that sort of common sense stuff.
Finished the new Jim Butcher Dresden book last night, it's good. The whole series is good and the character development is brilliant.
Met up with the guys again, as we're all back for the same training, good to see them all again but I ate too much pizza, GOT to be careful with that, need to loose about 7-12 kg in the next 3 months, which I think is possible, I just need to be honest with myself about what I'm eating and doing and not convince myself that "this one doesn't matter" or other such bollocks. Maybe she'll find me more attractive then. Listen to that! Me, concerned about my looks! Ha!
Might say who she is, but not at this time.
Later...

Fun with a goat...

Oh the obvious jokes...
The e-goat is the RAF's version ofARRSE the Army rumour network, which is not at all associated with PPRuNe, the Professional Pilots Rumour Network.
These are the ways to stay abreast of the current developments in the defense world. Often the best way, as our banter with the pilots is often not broad enough to encompass the whole of the RAF.
Have a look. See if you can guess who's whom...

Jacob's: to be absolutely knackered..

Knackered: to be tired. Jacob's as in Jacob's Cream Crackers. Rhyming slang, crackers/crackered = knackered.
Basically, I'm Jacob's.
Day shift yesterday, day shift tomorrow. Wouldn't be too bad but I didn't get to sleep until past 0415 last night and the shift starts at 0815. It's now 2254 so I'll be brief (for an explanation of the 24 hour clock, click here ) and all times are British Local, or GMT/UTC+1. Greenwich Mean Time/Universal Time Co-ordinate, also known as Zulu time, is the datum time from the meridian, but more on that later.
Shifts are 12 hours and normally fine but I just couldn't get to sleep. I tried reading for a bit, zen mind clearing exercises, the whole kit and kabodle, even that. Nowt. Eventually used the same system as I use on a night shift. "If I can't sleep, I'll at least rest my eyes and mind", and as on nights, it helps. As much as urinating into a reservoir helps to fill it.
So now I'm going back to sleep for a few hours. I'll probably edit this post at some point to make it make sense or just to make it not exist.
Oh, reason I came online. Can any of my readers (I'm hoping there's more than one) recommend a photo hosting thingy? Kev's suggested photobucket, Pip's got me on ringo but that needs hotmail/yahoo stuff. Anyone used flickr? Comments or mail will be welcome, as if I can find one that everyone can use I can put some of my piccies online.
No Beth, not like that.
Although the thighs may make an appearance....

What's the RAF?

Silly title, especially as google is just a click away (isn't FireFox grand?)
The Royal Air Force. You can tell it's British because it doesn't say what country it's from. You get that alot, it's The Times, The Royal Mail, The Royal Air Force, the Football Association. Mostly the first of their kind, and just arrogant enough to assume that you know it's British.
Anyway, this is just to set a few ground rules about what I can say and why.
I work at an RAF base in England. I'm a civil servant, so while officially I work for the government, it's in the same kind of way that a fisheries agency bloke does. The ministry of defense (MoD) pays for a weather service at all the stations that it flies out of (except if it's just gliders) and so the UK has a weather service with usually 24 hour coverage weekdays where ever there's a flying station.
I can probably tell you which station, but I won't mention it too much, and I can say which squadrons are at the station, in general but I can't say which aircraft are there at any one time. I can't say who visited/where the aircraft are going/when things are happening, for obvious security reasons.
Terrorism isn't new. I grew up with the threat of groups like IRA, UDF, ETA, the Red Army Faction (why you never said RAF in Germany) and all those other b@st@rds that waltzed around in Europe in the eighties and nineties. It's just in the last 5 years that some countries have realised what it means to fund an agency of murder and that it is not a good thing. The security measures on this site are rudimentary, and while it may be tiresome, I'll not be dropping them. Hope you understand.
Jim